Looking back on 593.27 miles...

Difficult times are relative to the individual. What's difficult for one is a beautiful day in the park to others. It's all about perspective. Pain tolerance; physically, mentally, and emotionally. Self awareness.

It is said that success is the result of continuing forward despite multiple failures. Some would say that akin to insanity. I'm sure the line between the two is often blurred. I've wandered across that line in my head throughout 2015. Littered with failures and dotted with flashes of "success?"

Since this is my place to discuss running and not rummage through my emotional junk drawer, what does those "flashes" of success resemble during 2015?

• 14 Half Marathons
• 1 Marathon - San Diego 
• 1 50K
• 1 24K
• 3 10K
• 2 5K
• Climbing the Incline (after running 13.1 miles) - Colorado Springs
• PR Half Marathon time 01:57:47 on Nov 8th, running the Golden Gate Bridge 
• Completed the North Face Endurance Challenge Half
• 1 50K DNR

Officially 593.27 recorded miles with over 27,965' of elevation gain!  D@mned!  That's a lot of sweat!  Can you imagine if you put all that sweat and funk in one room?  Oh the funk!!!!

I'm sure it would represent the most powerful running memories I have from 2015.  Yeah, that DNR is one of those moments.  Some would consider that a failure.  Not finishing an event?  Shameful!

Not to me.  It represented a moment in my life that I became one with myself.  Self awareness at it's finest.  

2015 I truly began the journey inward.  Facing the darkness within.  The pain and the suffering of discovering the long run on the trail, mirrored the emotional and mental battles I faced in my everyday.  

These 593.27 miles may not be pretty.  They may not be the fastest.  But they are mine.  Every one of them.  The majority of those never seen by anyone other than me.

So what do I see when I look back at my 593.27 miles, the pain, the small gains, the disappointments, the flashes of greatness and momentary pride?  

I see a ever growing clearer reflection of the person that is me!  The long recovery days filled with pain.  The scars and broken bones (y'all don't ever break your elbow. That shyt is for reals).  The victories. The wrinkles from skin kissed by the sun while in the back country. I see me.  Learning to love myself more each day with my limitations, my skinny legs, and suspect ankle.  Turning limitations into inspiration to push even further tomorrow if given the fvcking chance!  

I see the person who is overcoming the once impossible and doing the unbelievable despite not setting any records for the books that don't matter. The record is set within me. I am my record. And I'll be damned if you told me on January 1st 2015 that within the coming 365 days I would even do half the shyt that is noted above. Not to mention covering a total distance of 593.27+ miles!?!?  

Bring on 2016 byotches!  Can't wait for the shyt that's gonna go down.  

Be good people and do you!  Become your own bad a$$!