Roll the Window Down for Your Boyz: Birddogs Gym Shorts Review

12:50 AM
One of the zany splash screens on Birddogs site greats you with the tag line -

"GYM SHORTS FOR FREE BALLING CROTCH CRUSADERS"


I've been obsessing over every little detail as I prepare and train for my 100 miler.  One of the things I began researching like a maniac is running shorts.  I lost my favorite pair.  Don't ask what happen to them.  Have no clue.  They disappeared.  My heart was torn.  ๐Ÿ’” I don't want to think about it. ๐Ÿ˜ž

I have a collection of shorts, but when I thought about 100 miles...  Well any little detail you think about at mile 5 will drive you absolutely crazy at fucking mile 95, I'm sure of it.  Trust me, things you don't think about early on will drive you nuts the longer you go.

Here are some of the things that was important for me on my shorts journey.  
  • Light weight:  A heavy short will weigh you down.  Literally.  Plus heavy fabrics tend to retain water.  Sweat for you non-thinking folks.  Not good.  Plus, every ounce turns into pounds over the distance.  And in an endurance sport, calories carrying non-essential fabric is a no go.  
  • Wicks moisture:  Did you not read above.  The crotch area is already a haven for heat.  No need to have moisture hanging around for hour after hour, especially if it rains.  Swamp crotch equals some pretty bad chaffing.  
  • Seamless liner:  Did I mention chaffing?  Seams can rub and cut.  Think about it.  This isn't rocket science folks.  
  • Pockets for Running:  This is important as shit!  It's important that you have bowel movements, it's a life or death situation.  So maybe pockets isn't life or death important, but they are important.  Runners have special needs when it comes to storage.  Slapping a couple of traditional pockets on the perfect shorts just ain't going to do it for a runner.  You don't want your gear in your pockets bouncing around.  Plus, can I get a pocket that holds a modern damn phone!?!?  Who da hell designs most running short pockets.  Everybody ain't out here qualifying for the olympics.  We need pockets for keys, wallets, and a fucking phone!  And those pockets need to be tight against the body to prevent bouncing!  Geese.  
  • Compression Liner:  This is optional.  Why, because everyone doesn't do compression right, but when it is done right!  Oh my.  Man I miss my favorite #InkNBurn shorts.  Please InkNBurn, make some regular black shorts for men please.  Pretty please!  I'm slightly begging here!  They were the best shorts ever!  I'm sorry for loosi....   ๐Ÿ˜ข  (let me gather myself). 
Okay, I'm good.  Where were we?  Oh yeah!

Enter Birddogs!  

I bought into the hype and ordered a pair of their "Knight Riders".  I'm desperate.  Plus I've only found one other pair of shorts that I almost like.  But this ain't about them.

I kept my delight at bay, because I've been disappointed waaaaaaay too many times over the last seven months on my quest to replace my lost favorites, but the box they were shipped in was certainly different.  

What's this?  Off beat quotes inside the box about how awesome these shorts are!  Interesting.  They definitely put some thought into how to present and maintain the hype.  Okay.  


So initial impressions?

Ladies, you may want to close your eyes and stop reading unless you're on a quest to help a person of the male gender on their quest for better gym shorts.  ๐Ÿ™ˆ

After slipping on the shorts, I had the feeling of air.  My boyz were breathing freely.  As if they were gently being cupped in the hands of a gentle soft cloud.   ๐Ÿ˜ฎ  Ahhhhhh.....  Give me a moment.... 

Okay okay.   Don't get too excited here egsleeve (pun intended).  So how do these pockets do that got your attention (they advertised that there is a pocket specifically for your cell phone and your wallet)?

The phone pocket is to the right, behind a traditional pocket with a zipper, mid-hip.  And by golly it is large enough to comfortably fit a modern larger size screen cell phone!  And it positions the phone next to the thigh so that it doesn't bounce around!  Oh my.

The wallet pocket is on the opposite side.  Same position on the left, except this pocket is slightly smaller with the zipper placed at an angle.  It too, keeps the contents close to the thigh to prevent bounce.  

*Images from birddog.com

Plus there are two additional "hand" pockets up front.

But enough of the specs.  Let's do this ish.

I fill the pockets up and go out on my run to put them to the ultimate test.  

The results?  OMG!  The air!  ๐ŸŒฌ

My boyz are breathing!  I have to look down to make sure that I'm not suffering from dementia and I accidently left the house without shorts and underwear.  The next few miles are pure crotch breathing bliss in the desert heat (too much?  sad for you, I'm reviewing shorts here).  I maybe sweating, but at least the boyz have the windows down, like they strolling through the spot with the tunes blasting.  ๐Ÿš˜

Plus, my wallet and my phone are held in place perfectly agains my thighs without excessive bounce.  And there's nothing worse than cargo bouncing around on the run.

Ran through some sprinklers to put them through the wicking and drying test, and I'll be damned if they don't dry out quickly.  And no I can't blame the desert low humidity and heat for the quick dry time as the monsoon season is upon us and it was plenty humid out on my run.  

As wonderful as my experience with Birddogs are, they aren't perfect.  But damn they darn near meet every need that I have.  

Pros:  
  • Light weight
  • Airy
  • Barely there feel
  • Wicks moisture
  • Pockets nicely placed and perfect for the essentials at the gym
  • Built in liner
  • Traditional and some cantankerous designs
  • Various lengths available 
Can Do Better:
  • Not made for runners - Runners are used to having a pouch out mid-back that can accommodate gels, keys, or I like to keep my wallet out back.  
Indifferent:  
  • Liner runs slightly large - in my case, my sizing was right on the line between a medium and a small.  I went with the medium.  I'm satisfied with the outer sizing of the shorts, but I feel the liner is slightly large, even though this is by design.  But it doesn't matter as I plan on wearing compression shorts under them any way, so it's a wash.  Again, they advertise these as "gym" shorts and they fit that bill 100%.  But if I was solely relying on these as running short, this would be a can do better with a slightly more "secure" fit.  The boyz basically riding without a seatbelt.  No bounce, but...  we're getting too descriptive here.   
If I could recommend something to the makers of Birddogs, like they would listen to me anyway, I would recommend a runner series for runners.  Put a mid-back pouch out back (zipper or no zipper; would prefer one that zips).  Make the liners a light compression style to provide slightly more accommodating cradle for the babies to keep them from rocking and bouncing around too much when out on a speedy ride.  If you get my drift.  ๐Ÿ˜‰

So if you're looking for some gym shorts that will have you feeling refreshed down south with the ability to keep the essentials properly pocketed while being able to go from the lunch counter, to a casual walk to the park, and then sweat it out at the gym or whatever activity you're into, I recommend Birddogs shorts.  They won't disappoint.  Just remember, they don't market these as running shorts, even though you can run in them and feel a beautiful gentle breeze, despite them lacking a rear kangaroo pocket and a proper compression liner runners like.   

In short, I'm ordering a second pair of #Birddogs when I get paid!  Nothing like having the window down for the boyz when I take them out for a ride.  ๐Ÿ˜Š

And should the folks over at Birddogs need a test mule for a running prototype, egsleeve will be more than happy to give them a ride.  Just saying.  Call me!  Maybe?

Note:  Birddogs did not sponsor this review, shorts were paid with my own hard earned monies, but if they want to send me a pair, they can hit me on the FB or Gram DM.  

1 comment:

Powered by Blogger.