Start Over! Again!

There's a song, named Fractures by Illenium, which so eloquently states:
Burning everything I know
Desperate for change
Crashing down the ancient roads
Past our yesterday
Maybe there is hunger in my blood
Screaming out loud for what I want
See me running full speed at it
Shatter and collide
Call me post-traumatic.
Now it's do or die
Song is part of my long run playlist and it strikes a chord.

I'm a t this weird place where I'm having to burn down everything I know in order to achieve larger goals in my running game.  And it sucks!

I've seen the 100 mile mark twice.  I've seen 120 miles in a six day stage race across the Colorado Rockies.  I've seen 50K officially and unofficially more than I care to count.  I'm an experienced ultra-runner.

I've learned to lurk within the darkness of my inner darkness.  I've learn to swim in the pool of my life's pain.  For I've learned through pain I experience happiness!   The lows bring perspective to the highs.

And yet here I am.  Torn.  Tattered.   Beat.  Tired.  Exhausted.

But why you may ask?  I need to become more efficient.  I want to increase the pace and I couldn't continue on the path I was on if that what I want.

I spent the last 2-3 years getting my body and mind right to endure the 100 mile distance.  Just to finish.  Not finish fast or even in a timely fashion.  Nope.  Just to endure it.  Both of my 100 mile times are back of da pack times for folks in the sport.  And I'm okay with that.  

My pace is anywhere between 2-5 minutes faster per mile than when I completed my first marathon some five years ago.  Which is impressive.  My longest road marathon time is almost six hours.  Quickest time is 4 hours 19 minutes. 

Hell, I actually think of myself as a runner these days.   LOL!  Just thinking back to those days on constitution trail where 20 yards damned near killed me.

But I digress.  If I want to be faster, then I have to run faster.  Or as least I said so in a post I wrote here years ago in a blog titled "News Flash: Wanna run faster? Well ok..."

Pretty good advice from a novice runner who was struggling to get my long runs routinely out of the 12 min mile pace zone into the low 11s.

And it reigns true still to this day.  Only additional advice I would give myself from the past to my current self is to remember to run fast long you have to learn to run fast short.   So you have to start with the lower mileage distances and work yourself back up that long long ladder.

Difference is I have a base now.  I'm in a whole lot better shape than I was the first time I went up that ladder of increasing my distance.

So I've been doing more speed work at shorter distances.  Overall monthly mileage is down, but heart health is getting better.  It's a slow process and you wont see results like popcorn in a microwave.

When you break yourself down to build anew, you create a whole lot of mess during the demolition process, and during the renovations.  Obstacles you didn't expect will come forth, and the cost will always be higher than you budgeted for.

And you will find your self constantly saying; "Start Over!  Again!"

Picture taken while training for my first 100; such an amazingly inspirational dark time

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