Urban Ultra 50K: Emotional Roller Coaster

 
This gonna be a long one, so get yo drank and chill:

Vivian Green released a track entitled "Emotional Roller Coaster" in 2002.  A song about the constant emotional up and downs of a questionable relationship similar to that of a roller coaster, in which she can't get off. 

There's something about the extra of an ultra, which takes on this same personification personally.

I'm not saying there aren't feelings in distances shorter than an ultra, but trail running and the infamous ultra category (distances exceeding a marathon length of 42.2k or 26.2miles) which takes runners to a new category of emotional roller coaster.

I cried at the end of my first marathon.  Tears of joy and excitement of accomplishing a long held promise to myself.  A milestone of shorts to mark my successful physical and mental health recovery.  I felt the pain and the wall during, but compared to what I fight within when going that extra...

That "extra" may seem small to some veteran runners, I know I thought so too.  But there's exponentially so much time and effort in that "extra".  The farther the distance, the greater the exponent multiplier. 

Let's do a play by play so you too can experience to roller coaster ride many ultra runners experience when going that "extra."

4:30 am wake up call - wow that was a good sleep.  Not overly excited, because I like to sleep, but I know putting some miles in will feel just as good when it is all said and done.

4:50 am dressed - that pre-run drill in place.  Clothes were all laid out the night before so no thinking.  Mentally my mind is shifting as it wakes to gear, safety checks, and pre-fueling food and water to wake everything up.  

5:05 warm up -  We in these streets baby!  Music playing in the background.  Mentally doing some physical checks through the body.   Note to self - it is a little warm out here this morning, this maybe an issue.  But there's no turning back now!

6:00 in groove -  Heart rate is chilling.  The sun is rising.   We chillin'.  Mind is on auto pilot.  Body is on auto pilot.  The world is a beautiful place and there's something magical about the colors in the sky!  Oh' look!  Donuts!

7:00 location check - I note that I maybe late for meeting up with the fellas.  But what am I going to do about it?  Not going to run faster, hell no.  Got a long day ahead.  Loving life.  Fueling on point.  Water drinkage on point.  Legs feel tired from the beating of late, but they doing they thing.  we good.  Is getting a little warm though.

7:45 Meet up -  Cloud 9 as I approach.  Feeling good.  Little warm.  Endorphins are fully kicked in.  No worries in the world.

8:15 Inner ego wakes up - Round 1 "Fight!"  There's this little 7 year old kid blasting out the 5k.  There's an inner conversation afoot now between my ego, my common sense (wisdom), and my body.  Wisdom initially won out through the first mile.  But then I saw a weakness in the target and I was going to exploit it.  Little ($&% was doing head checks to see if we were still back there on his six and speeding up.  He was wearing down.  I hear within "I got you"!  I knew then ego had won the debate.

Short story, ran him down and even pulled in another older agresser at the 3 mile mark to finish 3rd in this small 5k.  I immediately knew I was going to pay for that later, but I took down three challengers in a short distance race after a morning of almost 14 miles BEFORE the race!

9:30 ish on cloud 9 in the sun - Literally.  I'm hot.  I'm heading back.  I'm thinking back to my first 5k.  To those first days of training after my health crisis.  Gloating internally of how far we've come.  All the time, all the effort, all the dedication has paid off.  It's a slow process, but look were we're at.  19 miles in and...  wait...

were da fuck are we?  Why is the trail ending?  Oh hell nawl.  I ain't circling back to the bridge crossing, I'm getting across this wet river basin.  

I'm thankful for my trail running skills as I descend into the basin to look for a suitable crossing to the southern paved trail.  Not frustrated, but survival mode has kicked in.

And why the hell did I choose this sock shoe combination.  This gonna be a problem.  What da hell have I gotten myself into?

10:40 ish - I'm somber.   I'm sitting aside the trail at a rest stop watching planes take off from the airport.  I'm teleported back to the memories of my grandpa, whom had a lot of influence on me and my life.  I'm tired.  My mood is that of despair.

There's another inner meeting in the background between my legs, internal temperature monitors, desire, self-doubt, inner bully, and sheer will.  They are being quite belligerent and they have been going at it since the crossing of the Salt River basin of when I was going to call it quits.  I let them converse, I'll simply watch these airplanes for a spell.

11:00 ish - Hunger speaks up and gets me moving!  I think about an eating establishment at Tempe Town Lake Marina Heights Complex and we can reconvene this meeting at that time.

It's during this time, the ultra distance runner's mantra walks into my inner consciousness; During an ultra is all about the "relentless push forward".  One foot.  One step.  This moment.  Repeat.  Forever.   
I think about what I'm going to eat as I get closer.  Then I decide what I really want is In-N-Out!  Yeah, that's the ticket.  I pass through the IronMan AZ 70.3 area, where athletes are checking in and getting ready for tomorrow's race.  I'm inspired.  Folks are out doing shake down runs and rides.  There's festiveness in the air. I allow it ti inside, Fire off a not on FB to those competing and keep it moving forward to In-N-Out!

I don't know what time it is anymore y'all:  But I'm at In-N-Out!  My inner hunger is dancing like MC Hammer on the video Turn this Muther Out!

I'll have the number 2 please!

Water and Root Beer.  Water = hydration.  Root Beer = Sugar Rush, Caffeine, and instant calories!  We good!  Mile 27 and little over 3 left .  Now where's that food? 

Back on the trail, specifically the green belt headed north singing out loud, when my eyes and mind quickly communicate and fear kicks down the inner door.  I spot a cyclist down ahead on the trail.  At first I think am I hallucinating, but I know I'm not.  I'm afraid.  How injured are they?  God I hope there are no bones sticking out?  Please don't be dead!

Instincts slaps fear and steps up to the microphone:  I scream "Are you okay!"  Thank you Red Cross training.  I begin a light jog.  Two cyclist get to him before I do.  He's succumb to the AZ heat.  I have an extra bottle in my pack.  We get him to shade, they stay with as he recovers.  I keep it moving.

Mile 28 ish - I'm now confident I'm going to complete this task today.  Something in the air got my eyes watering up. It's happiness and accomplishment.  See doubt had convinced me before the food stop Uber was going to be the agenda.

I had given up.  I was simply awaiting for a space to give up at.  But somewhere between mile 19 and 27 hope had quietly crept in the conference room where my legs, internal temperature monitors, desire, self-doubt, inner bully, and sheer will were plotting against me making it to 50k today.  Don't know how it was done, but hope had silently killed all those fuckers off and I was left alone with hope and accomplishment.

Back at the crib - Post-run meticulousness had took over and put me on auto pilot.  No time to celebrate.  Get recovery fuel in quickly.  Begin re-hydration process.  Get out of clothing.  Get into a cold shower.  Put body through physical recovery mode.  Get calories in.

I know it seems a lot.  It seems like there is a lot of things going on.  A lot of fuss.  How is this remotely therapeutic?

Instead of suppressing myself, my emotions, my feelings, I have learned to listen to them.  They all have value.  They all make me who I am.  In short, running has taught me to listen to me.  Not to allow society to dictate which feelings are "evil" or "un-pure" or "self-defeating".  Or not to allow feelings to deceive me into altering reality through "rose-colored glasses".

Things don't always have to be great or positive.  Neither are things as bad as they seem when put into proper perspective.  I've taken these lessons and attempt to apply them daily.

That's why some of you see darkness in some of my posts here, on FB, or twitter.  Then some of you wonder how I can be so elated when I've been through all kind of shit in my personal and work life?

It's because I allow my inner demons and angels to sit at the table while I'm out on the run with my dark dog and go at it.

I enjoy the emotional roller coaster ride.  It's a part of life.  It's what makes the ride fun.  You have to climb the scary hills in order to get the thrill of the descents.  You have to bear the protocol of standing in long lines sometimes to get to the ride.

There are things you have to do in order to protect your self from the ride, like keeping your arms in the vehicle at all times.  Sometimes you sit at the front.  Sometimes you get a middle seat.  Sometimes the ride is blah.  Sometimes the ride is scary as shit and have you exclaiming "oh what da fuck was that!  I wanna do that again!"

....and there are a whole host of things you have zero control over.  Zero.  And you have to be okay with that.  Why?  Because life.

If you on the sidelines afraid of the ride, I was and still afraid of some rides.  Don't blame others, life, or bitch about subplots that have nothing to do with YOUR fear.  Own it.

And when you decide to get on a ride.  Own that shit too.  Man I love the emotional roller coaster ride of ultras.

If you wanna see the pictures from the today's run, click to the link to FaceBook.